Technology Man grew up as what we now call a “latchkey kid.”  His parents worked. He had a key. And most afternoons, they had absolutely no idea where he was.  Seriously.  He would get on his bicycle and ride all over town. He might be at a friend’s house. He might be riding around the neighborhood. He might be somewhere else entirely.

There was no cell phone.  No texting.  No GPS.  No Find My.  No little dot moving around on a map.  His parents had one pretty important piece of information:  He was supposed to be home by 6:00 p.m.  That was the tracking system.  And somehow, Technology Man survived.

You Actually Had to Talk to Your Friend’s Parents

Technology Man also likes to remind our kids that if he wanted to talk to one of his friends, he couldn’t just send a text.  He had to call their house.  And a parent might answer.  Imagine the horror.  You actually had to politely speak to another human being’s mother or father.  “Hello, Mrs. Smith. This is Fred. Is Michael there?”

Then Mrs. Smith would yell through the house for Michael to pick up the phone.  Sometimes you even had to make small talk while you waited.  An entire generation accidentally learned how to speak politely to adults because technology hadn’t invented a way around it yet.

And Your Parents Didn’t Know Your Grades Either

Here’s another one that sounds completely foreign today.  Technology Man’s parents didn’t really know how he was doing in school.  There was no parent portal.  No app.  No email notification.  No online gradebook.  No ability to log in at 2:17 on a Wednesday afternoon and discover that your child got a 72 on a science quiz.  His parents found out how he was doing every six weeks when the report card came home.

That’s it.  Every six weeks.  Technology Man wasn’t exactly bringing home a steady stream of A’s, either. He mostly made C’s in high school.  But there wasn’t an electronic dashboard giving his parents a play-by-play.  The teacher taught.  The student went to school.  The parents parented.   And every six weeks, everybody got an update.  Today?

I can practically know about a bad grade before my child has had enough time to decide how he’s going to explain it to me.  I’m not entirely convinced that’s progress.

Now We Know Almost Everything

Compare that childhood with the one our kids have experienced.  We can text them anytime.  We can know when they arrive somewhere.  We can see their location.  We can get notifications from school.  We can check assignments.  We can check grades.  We can email teachers.  We can receive attendance alerts.  We can know that an assignment is missing almost immediately.  

Technology has given parents access to information our parents couldn’t have imagined.  And I’ll admit it:  Some of it is wonderful.  As a mom, I like knowing my kids are safe.  I like being able to reach them.  I like knowing they can reach me.  There are plenty of times when technology has made parenting easier and, I believe, safer.  But I sometimes wonder if we’ve crossed a line without realizing it.

Just Because We CAN Know Everything, Should We?

That’s the question.  Technology Man’s parents may have given him too much freedom by today’s standards.  Maybe letting a kid ride a bicycle all over town without having the slightest idea where he was wasn’t the greatest parenting strategy ever invented.  But I wonder if we’ve gone too far in the other direction.  Our children don’t have many opportunities to truly be on their own.

To make a decision without us.  To solve a small problem without calling us.  To recover from a bad grade before Mom knows about it.  To get a little lost and figure out how to get home.  To interact with an adult without us arranging it.  To make a mistake that doesn’t immediately generate a notification on somebody’s phone.  Those little moments may have taught Technology Man something.  They taught independence.

Somewhere Between “Be Home by Six” and GPS Tracking

I don’t think the answer is throwing away everyone’s phones and telling the kids we’ll see them at dinner.  I’m not quite ready for that experiment.  But maybe there’s a healthy place somewhere between:  “Be home by six.”  and  “Your GPS says you’re in the Target parking lot. Why haven’t you answered my last three texts?”  Technology gives us the ability to stay connected to our children.

Our job as parents is figuring out when not to use it.  That’s harder than it sounds.  Because sometimes helping is easy.  Watching them struggle is hard.  Not checking the grade portal is hard.  Not immediately fixing the problem is hard.  Giving them independence when we have the technology to supervise them is hard.  But independence is ultimately what we’re trying to create.

Technology Man Has a Theory About Parenting

Technology Man has said for years that the goal of parenting is to produce:  “Healthy, wealthy and wise taxpayers who leave home.”  I usually laugh.  But underneath the Technology Man humor is actually a pretty good parenting philosophy.  We’re not raising children to remain children.  

We’re raising future adults.  Adults who can make decisions.  Adults who can talk to people.  Adults who can solve problems.  Adults who can handle disappointment.  Adults who can recover from mistakes.  Adults who don’t need Mom tracking their little blue dot across town.  And eventually…  adults who leave home.  Technology Man insists that last part is very important.

Maybe Neither Generation Had It Exactly Right

Technology Man survived childhood with a bicycle, a house key and a 6:00 p.m. deadline.  His parents got an academic update every six weeks.  If he wanted to talk to a friend, he called their house and risked having an actual conversation with their mother.  Our kids have grown up with smartphones, GPS, instant messaging, online grades and parents who are almost always one tap away.  I don’t want to go completely back to the way things were.  I don’t think Technology Man does either.

But I do wonder whether our parents accidentally gave us something we’re having a harder time giving our own children:  the opportunity to figure things out without us watching.  Maybe that’s something worth bringing back.  Not the pay phones.  Not the paper report cards.  And definitely not having absolutely no idea where your child is until 6:00.

Just a little more room.  A little more trust.  A little more independence.  Because someday that little blue dot on our phone is supposed to move out.  At least that’s what Technology Man keeps telling me.  — Karen